I just purchased my one way ticket to Colorado today. This officially kicks off the countdown to a new life in a new place with new possibilities. I've been feeling like this drastic change in my life had been decided for me and I've been feeling so out of control of my life. There are days that I wake up and just go through the motions of what I'm suppose to do for fear of feeling any sort of emotion. The thought of leaving my husband, my wonderful Collins family, the ward family, my friends, my job and my life for the last 4 years is gut wrenching. I try not to think about what that last day is going to be like or how bad all those goodbyes are going to hurt.
The good news: Whats waiting for me in good 'ole Colorado. My amazingly supportive family who have proved countless time, that they will do anything to see me and the kids happy. I can't wait for them to be a part of the kids lives. Its been hard not having them around so I know we will enjoy each other. My old friends and the new friends that I plan on making. Endless career possibilities. I'm looking into becoming a personal trainer. The thought of that is scary and exciting and I know will be very rewarding.
You are never in control of what people decide and how their actions and the outcomes of the world effect you, but you are in control of how you deal with them. The moment Jeff told me his decision to leave I made the decision to be a survivor. My kids will not be victims of a broken home, but rather stronger and better people for it. I will not dwell on what was lost or taken away. I will look at what can be gained and what adjustments need to be made to be happier. I choose to be this way and in turn I hope I can teach my children to have these same mind sets.
So in reality this situation is quite liberating. Yes, I'm going to have hard days and so will the kids but that's when we rely on the wonderful people we have surrounded ourselves with. Thanks to ALL of you for being so supportive.
7 comments:
Good for you!! Yes, a new beggining feels so good! Keep your possitive attitude and your great personality. Things are going to get hard again, but it too shall pass.
LOVE YOU and good luck!!
:)
This post alone shows that you are going to teach your kids well. I think the ability to be strong and positive and move forward in even the hardest of times is one of the most important things you can teach them. You are amazing. (And I will miss you SOOO much! But let's not talk about that now.)
you're amazing! you and your kids are going to be fine, I can tell. your family is going to love having you close by! You are a great mom. we'll miss you :D
We love you!!!!!
You are so amazing and so inspiring! And incredibly strong!! Way to go! It was so great to see you at church yesterday. You look so amazing! I love blogs! This helps me feel a little better about you moving. AT least we can keep in touch this way. I'm still so sad you are going, I am going to miss you! But I'm sure it will be so nice to be with your family!
You're a wonderful person! Always remember that. His loss.
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