I must apologize in advance for this post. I have just experienced something gut wrenching that no one should ever have to go through. I just watched my husband move his things out of our apartment. For the past week he has been sleeping on an air mattress in the living room so he can help at night with Thomas and the baby. This week has been pretty quiet. We didn't do a lot of talking. What was there to say to each other? It was hard in times that I got angry not to lash out at him or start sobbing at his feet for some sort of explanation as to why he didn't want this life anymore. I still don't understand it. I still love him. I can't stop. Don't ask me why. The man that I married and had children with is not the man I know today. I can't exactly tell you when it changed.
I have no idea how I'm going to do this. I have every emotion running through my veins right now. And to top it all off I have the hormones from just having a baby. Talk about bad timing. Not that there is a good time for this to happen.
How can someone raise 2 kids, work full time, provide everything and still stay above water? I thought that when we brought kids into this world we would be team. A family. I never would have had children if I thought our family would be incomplete. Kids need both parents. UGH! Its not fair!!!!!!
I have such a long road ahead of me it makes me nauseous to think about all the things I have to do. Where do I work? How do I work and be with the kids? Who will watch the kids when I'm at work? Can I stay here in California? Should I go back to my family in Colorado? How do I stay strong for my kids when I feel so weak? Why doesn't he love me?
It hurts...
3 comments:
man, trinity. i'm so sorry you have to go through this. we're praying for you...here's a big virtual hug. ***HUG***
To repeat your own words -- I can't say that I know what you're going through and I won't pretend. . . .
BUT, I do feel like boxing Jeff around the ears. . . . several times. That probably doesn't help either.
Does Thomas want to come over and play?
Life is not fair. I'm having a hard time seeing so many friends going through things that seem unfair that they don't deserve. You are amazing and strong. Somehow it will work out. You have a lot of people on your side. I'm happy to help in any way I can. Even if it's just listening to you vent. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!
Post a Comment