These last 8 months have been incredibly hard. One of the hardest things I have had to get through. And for my life story that is saying a lot. They say that God challenges the strong but he never gives you things you can't handle. For these last months I've been trying to convince him that he got the wrong person. My strength has been severly tested and at times nonexistant. Its a scary place to be because there are so many factors to having a trial in your life. Its easy to feel ashamed in your hurt. Scary to feel weak. People are very quick to want to fix you and make you better. And after a certain amount of time others think that you should just be "fine". I struggled with finding just the right person to lean on. When He was there waiting to be talked to. People always say "bring your problems to God".That is easier said then done I'll tell you that right now. I haven't mastered it but I have found that this was the best way for Him and I to become closer. I'm so thankful for the people in my life who carry God with them where they go and talk to me about Him.
I'm slowly starting to open my eyes and see that I've been in this dungeon of self loathing and disease. Its hard to admit but its very easy to feel sorry for yourself when something happens to you. You all of the sudden feel content in your misery. You think everyone else has it better and you got the short end of the stick. I have witnessed things that others have gone through that I couldn't imagine. They held their heads high and took it like a champ. Never letting it get them down. I admire those people. It wasn't until a little while ago that I started feeling discontent. I had a long list of things that needed to get done and not enough time to do them. People to call back, favors to return, love to give and apologies to be made.
The feeling of being discontent is actually a blessing. It gets you off your butt and a up to doing something productive to better yourself or something around you. I'm glad I'm feeling unsettled. It means things are where they should be and happiness is within reach.
2 comments:
I can totally relate right now. I haven't had the trials you are having, but the feelings you're describing are all too familiar. I'm finally starting to figure things out and it's nice to know that I'm not alone :)
Hi Trinity!
Found your blog from Molly's today. I know this is a super old post, but just wanted to say that I think you are amazing. I think everyone goes through times when they feel exactly like you've said. Thanks for the reminder that discontent is sometimes a good thing at least in terms of motivation. Hugs!
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